Big Questions

Should taxpayer money be put into anti-rain schemes, which would see the rain-clouds moved to Scotland?

It's a problem which all British people have to endure, the seemingly never ending rain that pours downwards from the heavens. There are many theories as to why Britain experiences so much rain, from the maritime climate and the proximity to the sea, to some kind of Divine Punishment for the sinful history of Britain. Now, a team from Cambridge University, has come up with a solution. After years of research, the team concluded that it would be feasible for the British Government to invest in a fleet of dirigibles, which would be equipped with giant fans - the force of which would be used to push the rain-clouds.

After long debate, it was decided that the rain-clouds should be pushed into Scotland, and when Sky News interviewed the leading scientist on the team, Richard Cauliflower, he defended his position, saying that, "Obviously it would be ideal if we could push the rain into the sea, however there are several meteorological reasons which would prevent this. Rain-clouds can only be pushed onto land, and we concluded that the only suitable land available is the uplands of Scotland. After all, the Scottish make up an insignificant proportion of Britain's population, and are genetically stronger, and should be glad that they are taking the bullet for the English."

Campaign groups, such as ScotCare (the Charity for Scot's in London) have raised concerns about this scheme being yet another way the English oppress the Scottish. Alex Salmond, the Scottish First Minister has also voiced his opposition, saying that this "is yet another clear sign that the sooner Scotland becomes independent, the better."

The Government has ordered a review into the possible scheme, and has already earmarked a sum of forty eight billion pounds for the scheme. The first dirigible is expected to be operational in late 2011.