Wednesday, 8 September 2010

The Greatest and Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time

The quotes that appear in films can make them successful or laughable. Hopefully after this you will be moved by some quotes, amused by others and cringe at some of the lines that should never have made it onto a screenplay. So settle down boys and girls, gather round the campfire and listen in as I tell you a story.

The Top 10 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time

10. Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) said of Joseph Takagi (James Shigeta) in Die Hard - "Mr Takagi won't be joining us, for the rest of his life"
Everybody loves Die Hard even if it does contain some wonderfully camp lines like this one. 

9. Auric Goldfinger (Gert Frobe) to James Bond (Sean Connery) in Goldfinger - Bond "Do you expect me to talk?", Goldfinger "No Mr Bond, I expect you to die".
Again everybody loves the Bond series but they do have a habit of letting their children write some of the important lines.

8. Ben Gates (Nicholas Cage) to the rest of the group in National Treasure Book of Secrets - "Pour water on the rocks it makes them go dark"
God knows what they were doing when they decided National Treasure required a sequel but they did create one of the funniest lines of any of the movies.

7. Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) to Mark (Greg Sestero) in The Room - "I did not hit her, I did not hit her..Oh hi Mark"
One of the worst films ever made, The Room is a 2003 melancholy romantic drama that cost $6,000,000. The acting is so wooden that if they want to make some of the money back I'm sure Ikea would be able to craft a chair out of them.

6. Kitana (Talisa Soto) to Sindel (Musetta Vander) in Mortal Combat: Annihilation - Kitana "Mother....your alive!", Sindel "Too die"
The line is awful but the delivery is what makes this such a hilarious line. Another reason why you shouldn't make films about games.

5. Unknown Actors in Shark Attack 3: Megalodon - "It's a pressure valve, it won't open unless there's tremendous pressure."
It's a straight to video South African film so the omens weren't good but just what were they thinking with this line.

4. Lieutenant John Harper (Duke Moore) in Plan 9 from Outer Space - "But one thing's sure, Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and someone's responsible."
Another cult classic, and home to some of the greatest lines in cinema history. Unfortunately this isn't one of them.

3. Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) and Evelyn O'Connell (Maria Bello) in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - Rick "I. Really. Hate. Mummies.", Evelyn "I think the feelings mutual."
The first Mummy film was great and just fun but as they went on they got more and more self important and the number of camp interjecting lines got greater.

2. Cataline Stone to Ben Carpenter (John Barrowman) in Shark Attack 3: Megalodon - Cataline "I'm exhausted," Ben "Yeah, me too. But you know I'm really wired. What do you say I.... take you home and eat your pussy"
Again John Barrowman attempts some serious acting and fails miserably. But with a line this good no one will mind if he does any more.

1. Neville Flynn (Samuel L Jackson) in Snakes on a Plane - "Enough is enough. I've had it with these mother f*cking snakes on this mother f*cking plane."
I didn't really like this film. But this quote despite being stupid has made it far more famous than it ever needed to be.

The Top 10 Best Movie Quotes of All Time

10. Maximus Meridius (Russell Crowe) in Gladiator - "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."
I loved Gladiator as a film and although this isn't the best line in the film, it is the most famous.

9. The King of the Dead (Paul Norell) in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - "Who enters my domain?"
Again the Lord of the Ring's films are amazing and they were a major part of my childhood. This is one of the best lines in the film.

8. William Wallace (Mel Gibson) in Braveheart - "They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom."
Braveheart gets a bad rap but in my view it is a great film and some of the scenes are great and moving, and the end is spectacular.

7. Red (Morgan Freeman) in Shawshank Redemption - "Andy Dufresne...who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."
The first of 2 Shawshank quotes, a film this good deserves all the praise it gets.

6. Dr Rumack (Leslie Neilsen) to Striker (Robert Hays) in Airplane! - Rumack "Can you fly this plane and land it?", Striker "Surely you can't be serious?" Rumack "I am and don't call me Shirley."
One of a number of great comedy quotes in Airplane! The funniest film ever made.

5. Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall) in Apocalypse Now - "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
Another great film and recently voted the best film of all time by Channel 4. This is easily the best quote of the film.

4. Warden Samuel Norton (Bob Gunton) in Shawshank Redemption - "I believe in two things, discipline and the bible. Here you'll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord, your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank."
An excellent quote because it sets a hideous scene. This is now home for the rest of these convicts' lives.

3. Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) in Annie Hall - "I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light."
Another great comic line about San Francisco by the master of comedy himself.

2. Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) in Fight Club - "Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about fight club."
Fight Club questioned the consumerism of America and how this was affecting people. It's also great fun.

1. Don Corleone (Marlon Brando) in Godfather - "I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."
The don decides to "encourage" a film maker to employ Johnny Fontaine. The next scene is a classic.

I hope you enjoyed my list of the best and worst quotes. I hope to provoke conversation so tell me where I went wrong and what you agreed with. 

Sam Larner

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