Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Big Questions

Are Creationists evidence of evolution?

It's a familiar argument, creationism against evolution but what if these two theories are linked? Well that is exactly what scientists at Oxford University are trying to find out with a controversial new study claiming that Creationists themselves are evidence of evolution. Prof Martin Steeple explained why saying "in their obvious blindness in the face of what is now scientifically definite the creationists are showing signs of severe neurotic denial which we found was a prevalent feature in species which were about to die out". They summarise that "in their decreasing numbers and obvious madness to normal mating partners they are in danger of becoming extinct, this proves that natural selection is leaving them behind as other humans accept the facts and move on." Understandably the British Creationist Society were outraged saying "show us the proof! Clearly God has sent this study as a test to our patience and we hope it's authors will pray for salvation". The AAC has also become embroiled in the row claiming "Darwin is now one step closer to taking over the world with his lies" but we want to know what you the PC readers think, are these people inadvertently evidence of what they seek to deny?

Saturday, 27 June 2009


Note that all Glastonbury updates will be added to the old article below.

A Minted Experiance

Robert P. Holme KBE

There's something quite magical about mint. The cool refreshing blast of flavour, which is at once sweet, but leaves a fresh and cool taste in ones mouth, especially after one breathes in. The sweet sensation of minty goodness, which seems to strain every sinew with it's pure beauty.

Mint creams are heavenly; the soft chocolate, the lightly chewy mint cream. Delicious. Mouth watering. Like my poem.

A Lamb to the Slaughter

Minted meat. O minted meat
How still we see thee lie
A dove! Thy deep and dreamless heat
alone a-moun the sky. But lo!
breaded cloud-fall doth tumble.
Tumble, tumble, rumble.
Minted meat.

Friday, 26 June 2009


As many of you will know Glastonbury festival is now well under way and The Painter's Chronicle is pleased to bring you up to date with the festival with the help of our team of correspondants who are currently reporting back to the PC newsroom. Ben Lomax-Thrope seemed in awe as he reported back from the middle of The Specials set which he described as "amazing" and summed up the festival so far, calling it "muddy, boomin' and Cormacless" refering to the unexpected absence of one of the team. This transnational correspondance is a first for the PC and we hope to keep you up to date with all the best Glastonbury news straight from the farm. Update: The PC team were interested to know how the death of Michael Jackson was being felt at the festival but our correspondant revealed a far from despondant mood saying that "hot girls were distributing the news so it was OK". Today (Saturday) our correspondant reported from the middle of the Pendulum set which he urged PC readers to check out online (follow the link in the title of this piece). Update: Last night our correspondants missed out on Bruce Springsteen, who gave an incredible performance to a huge audience, but saw a little known band called Big Hand who have performed in Hebden Bridge and have a wide selection of great dance tunes. They claim to have stayed up until the sun was shining brightly and so when we last spoke to them they were enjoying a well earned rest. They were all looking forward to the headline band Madness who perform tonight.

Painter Appoints CEO!

The Painter's Chronicle are delighted to announce the appointment of Matthew Dawson as the new Chief Executive Officer of The Painter's Chronicle.

On his appointment, The Editor, Billy Painter said, "This adds a more professional and organised outlook to the PC and I am delighted that we have managed to obtain Matthew for the role, due to his excellent leadership and business qualities"
Matthew will be working primarily on the website but will also play a strong role in supporting The Board and more currently employing a new Senior Reporter to fill his old role.

Matthew was ecstatic on his new role and eager to begin, saying, "This is a new era for the website, and I hope to expand on the already phenominal sucess we have already acheived"

The Painter's Chronicle wish Matthew all the best in his new role.

Disaster Zone!

A throwback to Easter this year . . .
Matthew Dawson reported:
If mankind were meant to endure the cold we would never have lost our fur. This evolutionary message has come back to haunt us. They say the cold came from Russia but no-one knows for sure. What was certain is that the weather it produced could have turned a snowman into a shivering wreck. The snow quickly descended and left everything in a soft white carpet. The problem was that this was a carpet of death. The weather worsened and icy commuters braved the valleys roads whilst others gave up the fight and resigned themselves to natures onslaught hoping, praying, that she would show mercy. But the snow continued and as brave men tried in vain to fend it off with salt the reserves started to deplete. Man was left with no cards to play and no where to hide. Nothing was certain except that the day was heading towards disaster. We were lucky, the weather retreated leaving man to see the consequences, and as the snow melted away we were grateful that we had been spared. This story shows how precarious our hold on normality really can be. What we can learn from this event is for you to decide but what was always clear is how close this almost was to disaster.

The Calder High Prom '09

Michael Jackon Dies

Michael Jackson
29th August 1958 – 25th June 2009

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Question of the Week

Should Babies be Gagged in Public?
We can all relate to the problem, but how many of us have actually taken action against the inevitable screeching baby that can ruin any music concert or film without warning. Well the controversial group Adults Against Screaming are calling on the government to introduce legislation requiring cotton gags to be placed on babies at any public event in which sound is an issue. Andy Thomas from the group says "parents would argue a dummy is enough yet their children still ruin many a night out for hard working adults everywhere, this is the best solution". But Mary Hilden MP is fighting against the motion claiming that "babies like the rest of us have a right to free speech, the fact they can't produce words yet should not be used against them". The National Union of Nursery Workers called on all parents to fight against this motion saying "they are classing babies everywhere as second class citizens". But as always we want to know what you, the PC readers think about this issue, should we gag our babies?
Source: ADP News

Monday, 22 June 2009

MYP Presents Major Political Gift

In a Historic Moment not just for himself, but for our entire democratic system, Calum Paramor MYP is here shown presenting Miss Newman (history teacher/obsessive powerpoint creator) with a poster consisting of every single British Prime Minister which (sadly missing from our photo) also had an additional face glued to the bottom, that of Calum himself. This poster came to represent the ups and downs of GCSE history, as the ripped corner will testify, and this is why it makes a fitting present for Miss Newman on the occasion of her move to London to seek new riches. We all hope this poster reminds her of what she has left behind.

Friday, 19 June 2009

Happy Birthday Andrew!

Painter's Chronicle subscripient Andrew Manley today celebrates his birthday. Andrew lives in Wakefield and is a deputy headteacher at a primary school. Happy Birthday Andrew, have a sensational day!

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Loose Change

Loose Change is a landmark documentary which casts doubt on the real causes of 9-11. Even if you just watch the first 5 minutes you'll learn of some shocking irregularities and it will undoubtedly make you think differently about the events of that day. Millions have been forced to question the official view of 9-11 and hopefully you, the PC reader, will question it too. As always, feel free to express your views on this issue.

Political Comedy Week - Day 5 - Rory Bremner

Yet another throwback to 2008, this time a review of that year! On the Andrew Marr show, midwinter last year.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

The Great Cookalong (kinda live)

It is not often that the cultured Chairman Rose sits down to a meal that surprises and delights him so you can imagine my surprise when after taking his first tentative bite his face lit up with delight. The meal was simple yet of elaborate tastes and was essentially a potato fish pie with peas and roast potatoes on top. Our intention had been to video this experience so that the PC subscripients could join in with the culinary extravagance but alas today was not to be the day. But what would you like to see cooked in the PC kitchen. Anything goes and we will try and cook anything you suggest, however bizarre, and produce a video of the event. So send us in your favourite recipes and we'll try and feed it to the Chairman for your entertainment.

Political Comedy Week - The Onion

A flashback to the election campaign 2008, between Barack Obama and John McCain. What do you think we should do with these Obama supporters?

The Editor's Mid-Week Quote

I am delighted to announce a new regular feature on the Painter's Chronicle website, "The Editor's Mid-Week Quote" This feature will include me posting some of my favourite quotations on the website every Wedndesday, to give all viewers an opportunity to engage in a few moments of thought.

This weeks quote comes from Nelson Mandela, a man who has brought peace and harmony to the world, and made the world a better place to live for our generation.

"Sport has the power to change the world. It has the power to inspire in a way that little else does. It speaks to youth in a language they understand. Sport can create hope where once there was despair"

Fishing For Bishops - Update

Fishing For Bishops is progressing quickly these days with the exams coming to an end and everyone generally having a lot more free time.

Fishing For Bishops has a knew and ever growing Facebook Page, so please become a fan, and leave comments. To access this fine page follow this link: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=581216272&ref=profile#/group.php?gid=87608604795&ref=ts

We have written 2 new songs over the last couple of weeks and Fishing For Bishops are now ready to rock the dance floor of local venues with a selection of our sparkling soulful zorbic ska!

We have had a couple of offers from places such as the Trades Club. So keep logging onto the Painter's Chronicle website, our MySpace and the new Facebook page to find out more confirmed dates.

Ben Lomax-Thorpe

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Question of the Week

Should there be a law against fat men taking their tops off?
There was heated debate today in the House of Commons over the big question of the summer. As the sun comes out this summer should we also let fat men take their bellies out? Michael Draper MP insisted that "these men believe that their bodies are youthful and attractive, we need a way of telling them they're wrong". But Carol Harlem MP stood up for fat men everywhere saying "They have a right to bare chests, and besides we all find it quite amusing" but the reaction from the press was less enthusiastic with the Daily Mail claiming "this is a government plot, first bellies, next thing we'll all be forced to wear burkhas". The debate continues but here at the PC we’re giving you a voice. Should this practice be outlawed?

Monday, 15 June 2009

Chairman Rose - Halifax RLFC Guest Appearance

On a day where many special guests visited the Shay Stadium to watch Halifax RLFC entertain Barrow Raiders, there was only really one that caught the eye, Chairman Rose. In the crowd of just uder 3000 was the Henry Diaper, HRLFC oldest supporter, Steve Long, Frank Sinatra tribute act, Lord Mayor of Calderdale, Arshad Mahmood and Gareth Oliver, Britain's Got Talent semi finalist, the long list of red carpet guests would not have been completed though without the PC team. Joining regular Fax fan, Billy, was Chairman Rose and young apprentice, Matthew Rose. Chairman Rose has a keen interest in the sport of rugby league and hopes to attend many more Halifax RLFC games in the future. The Board were delighted to be in town for this event, and are pleased to announce that the PC will be running a rugby league feature in the upcoming summer edition.

Sunday, 14 June 2009

Now It's Time For The Big One

So he did it. In a victory that wasn't just man on man but a battle of national pride between Britain and our old friends America. They fought for less than two hours and in the end Andy Murray lifted the Queens Club trophy leaving James Blake with a conciliatory piece of modern art of which he seemed quite bemused. Now Murray has claimed his first win on Grass attention naturally moves to his chances at next weeks Wimbledon which promises to be his biggest challenge yet. But something still seems to be lacking, memories of Tim Henman matches are of fanatical crowds and the feeling of the whole country riding the same emotional roller coaster as Tim, yet with Murray the crowd hardly raised a whisper in support. Let’s hope the country shows our genuinely world class tennis hero support in the weeks to come.

A Nice Cup of Tea

Last Monday saw the sixtieth anniversary of the publication of Nineteen Eighty-Four - the ground breaking final work of the writer, broadcaster and journalist Eric Arthur Blair - better known as George Orwell. Nineteen Eighty-Four has had a profound impact on our culture and our language - bringing in words like "Big Brother," "Room 101," and "Doublethink." So to celebrate the anniversary of such a momentous work, the Painter's Chronicle has decided to publish a work of George Orwell which we feel corresponds very well with our own ideals. It's called; A Nice Cup of Tea.

Nice Cup of Tea
By George Orwell
Evening Standard, 12 January 1946.

If you look up 'tea' in the first cookery book that comes to hand you will probably find that it is unmentioned; or at most you will find a few lines of sketchy instructions which give no ruling on several of the most important points.
This is curious, not only because tea is one of the main stays of civilization in this country, as well as in Eire, Australia and New Zealand, but because the best manner of making it is the subject of violent disputes.

When I look through my own recipe for the perfect cup of tea, I find no fewer than eleven outstanding points. On perhaps two of them there would be pretty general agreement, but at least four others are acutely controversial. Here are my own eleven rules, every one of which I regard as golden:

First of all, one should use Indian or Ceylonese tea. China tea has virtues which are not to be despised nowadays — it is economical, and one can drink it without milk — but there is not much stimulation in it. One does not feel wiser, braver or more optimistic after drinking it. Anyone who has used that comforting phrase 'a nice cup of tea' invariably means Indian tea.

Secondly, tea should be made in small quantities — that is, in a teapot. Tea out of an urn is always tasteless, while army tea, made in a cauldron, tastes of grease and whitewash. The teapot should be made of china or earthenware. Silver or Britanniaware teapots produce inferior tea and enamel pots are worse; though curiously enough a pewter teapot (a rarity nowadays) is not so bad.

Thirdly, the pot should be warmed beforehand. This is better done by placing it on the hob than by the usual method of swilling it out with hot water.

Fourthly, the tea should be strong. For a pot holding a quart, if you are going to fill it nearly to the brim, six heaped teaspoons would be about right. In a time of rationing, this is not an idea that can be realized on every day of the week, but I maintain that one strong cup of tea is better than twenty weak ones. All true tea lovers not only like their tea strong, but like it a little stronger with each year that passes — a fact which is recognized in the extra ration issued to old-age pensioners.

Fifthly, the tea should be put straight into the pot. No strainers, muslin bags or other devices to imprison the tea. In some countries teapots are fitted with little dangling baskets under the spout to catch the stray leaves, which are supposed to be harmful. Actually one can swallow tea-leaves in considerable quantities without ill effect, and if the tea is not loose in the pot it never infuses properly.

Sixthly, one should take the teapot to the kettle and not the other way about. The water should be actually boiling at the moment of impact, which means that one should keep it on the flame while one pours. Some people add that one should only use water that has been freshly brought to the boil, but I have never noticed that it makes any difference.

Seventhly, after making the tea, one should stir it, or better, give the pot a good shake, afterwards allowing the leaves to settle.

Eighthly, one should drink out of a good breakfast cup — that is, the cylindrical type of cup, not the flat, shallow type. The breakfast cup holds more, and with the other kind one's tea is always half cold before one has well started on it.

Ninthly, one should pour the cream off the milk before using it for tea. Milk that is too creamy always gives tea a sickly taste.

Tenthly, one should pour tea into the cup first. This is one of the most controversial points of all; indeed in every family in Britain there are probably two schools of thought on the subject. The milk-first school can bring forward some fairly strong arguments, but I maintain that my own argument is unanswerable. This is that, by putting the tea in first and stirring as one pours, one can exactly regulate the amount of milk whereas one is liable to put in too much milk if one does it the other way round.

Lastly, tea — unless one is drinking it in the Russian style — should be drunk without sugar. I know very well that I am in a minority here. But still, how can you call yourself a true tealover if you destroy the flavour of your tea by putting sugar in it? It would be equally reasonable to put in pepper or salt. Tea is meant to be bitter, just as beer is meant to be bitter. If you sweeten it, you are no longer tasting the tea, you are merely tasting the sugar; you could make a very similar drink by dissolving sugar in plain hot water.

Some people would answer that they don't like tea in itself, that they only drink it in order to be warmed and stimulated, and they need sugar to take the taste away. To those misguided people I would say: Try drinking tea without sugar for, say, a fortnight and it is very unlikely that you will ever want to ruin your tea by sweetening it again.

These are not the only controversial points to arise in connexion with tea drinking, but they are sufficient to show how subtilized the whole business has become. There is also the mysterious social etiquette surrounding the teapot (why is it considered vulgar to drink out of your saucer, for instance?) and much might be written about the subsidiary uses of tealeaves, such as telling fortunes, predicting the arrival of visitors, feeding rabbits, healing burns and sweeping the carpet. It is worth paying attention to such details as warming the pot and using water that is really boiling, so as to make quite sure of wringing out of one's ration the twenty good, strong cups of that two ounces, properly handled, ought to represent.

Tennis Update

It's a huge afternoon for British tennis as Andy Murray attempts to take the Queens Club Championship which is seen as the preliminary to Wimbledon. He would be the first British player to win it since 1938 and we'd like to say that the Painter's Chronicle will be behind him all the way. Check back later for Match Analysis.

Political Comedy Week - JibJab

While not so much directly political, this amusing video is a critique on the large retailers in america, of which the the most obvious is Wall-Mart. I hope you enjoy.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Political Comedy Week - Spitting Image

A throwback to the 80s, Spitting Image was a satirical puppet program which ran for much of the 1980s and 90s. Never equalled since in both its cutting and often crude satirism and occasional moments of deep comments on our society.

The program made many heavy criticisms of the Thatcher and then Major governments in it's time and provided entertainment to a huge audience.
It politicized a great mass of people in its time, even if just by turning government ministers into slugs and cyborgs.

This particular clip mocks Maggie Thatcher's policy of selling council houses to the tune of 'Our house' by Madness.

Thursday, 11 June 2009

Political Comedy Week - Political Science

Todays video is not so much obvious comedy, but is definitely political, and very funny if you actually consider the message it is conveying. It's a song called "Political Science" by Randy Newman, which is a stinging critique on the Bush-era foriegn policy of America.

Anyway, see what you think. Please leave comments.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Hope Not Hate - Not In My Name

As you probably know, on Sunday the BNP were elected to two seats in the European Parliament. It was a terrible day for Britain - the idea that we are sending two fascists to Europe to represent us, doesn't bear thinking about.

However, we must think about it if we are to stand against this growing threat to British civil values and freedoms. We mustn't allow apathy to hold the door open for the BNP. On July 14th, the two elected BNP MEP's Griffin and Brons will be taking their seats in the first session of the European Parliament. To meet them will be the campaigners for the anti-fascist group, "Hope not hate," to hand them a petition from the British public with a simple message: not in my name.

I am therefore asking you all, as I have done, to sign the petition, and join the 40,000 who have already done so. We need to tell the BNP that they weren't elected in our names. They won due to a breakdown in the mainstream parties vote - not because of an influx of new voters. We need to tell Griffin that we, the people of Britian, don't support him, or his racist views.

Before the elections, it was predicted that the BNP may have won 4, 5 or even 6 seats. When the expenses scandal blew in, the BNP predicted that they would take 12. Hope not hate managed to stop that. Now, a new campaign begins, a campaign to stop the BNP before they get any further. The BNP have gained their first elected positions. It must be their last.

Please sign the petition, and tell the BNP that it's not in your name.


Thank you,

Chairman Rose

The Other Side

Although this newsletter has an extremely anti BNP slant I think it is necessary to present both sides of the story so our readers can form a more balanced view on this topic. Although the BNP are viewed as vile fascists (and not wrongly) they are, however much it pains the moderate majority, representing very real grievances and prejudices. Many believe that to stop the BNP they should be banned and not be allowed to express their views. This is understandable but would be a big mistake.

Taking a look at their manifesto shows us some interesting points. One example is that they want “Britain to withdraw from the EU” also they state that there should be “British jobs for British workers”. Now although both of these are quite extreme points compared to the other parties do we really think the public don’t support these ideas, especially the working classes in times of recession? So what does this show? It could be argued on one hand that the public were misled into believing these promises but much more likely is that the BNP are actually giving those on the fringe of society a say, and it works. It is a triumph to democracy that the moderates have joined forces in some areas to stop the BNP by targeting the root cause of why people voted for the party. This means that voters are offered better solutions than simply blaming their problems on immigrants. In short the question is whether it is the party that makes the voters or the voters that make the party what it is. It is a bit of both but by tackling the BNP voters who aren’t total racists (which are many, lots of whom merely see no hope of finding a job, and account for much of it’s recent growth) the political system naturally takes people back to the central ground and leaves those left, isolated on the fringes.

In conclusion our democracy is built on debate, but we must first accept others views are not unfounded before they can be challenged. In this way our democratic process becomes more vibrant as parties in the centre fight to tackle the problems that caused voters to sway to the extreme right. It’s democracy in action. This is why we must accept that the system we have chosen can pick vile candidates but at the same time through debate and compromise and understanding they are diluted and challenged yet don’t leave a portion of society (however awful their views) feeling ignored and angry. That is the place in our system for the BNP. To give the extremists a view which can then be challenged and understood and tackled at the root, which is voter’s problems. We may not like it but the BNP should stay.
Comments Essential-What do you think?

Political Comedy Week - Day 1 - Tony Blair

Times in the world of politics are currently depressing, and demorilising, especially with the election of the BNP. So we, The Painter's Chronicle, for one week only will entertain our subscripients with the funniest political clips found on YouTube. We hope this is a consolation for the current dire state of affairs . . .

Monday, 8 June 2009

European Elections

Sunday night saw the counting and publishing of the EU results from across Europe. Across Europe there was a growth in support for the centre-right parties, many of which are in government in certain European countries. This growth was therefore opposed by a shrink in support for the main left wing European party, the Party of European Socialists.

These losses were from many countries, including Britian, where the Labour party suffered disasterous results, and therefore Labour sent less MEP's to the Party of European Socialists.

As well as a general gain for the centre right, and a loss for the socialists, there was also a significant gain in the Green bloc of the European party, which saw it's number of MEP increase from 41 in 2004, to 50 this time around. However in Britian there were no gains for the Green Party, despite a large vote increase in certain regions. High polling in Brighton and Norwich for the Green Party suggest that they may be on their way to sending their first MP to Westminister, come the General Election.

What was also apparant across many European countries, was the growth of the extremist and fringe parties. In the Netherlands, with the Party for Freedom coming second in the polls - a party who's leader was barred from entering Britain because of his comments on Islam, such as calling the Qu'ran as a "fascist book."

In Britian too, the BNP has made gains, with two BNP members being sent to Brussels to represent Britian. It is sad that the movement against the BNP wasn't successfull enough, and that now, as a result, Britian is sending two fascists to represent us in Europe. There needs to now be coordinated efforts by all the mainstream parties to combat the BNP, to prevent them making similar gains in a General Election.

However, there are hopes that this will not be the case. In the North West region, where Nick Griffin, the BNP leader won his seat, the number of BNP votes actually decreased from last election, yet their share of the vote increased due to the collapse of Labour support. Apathy plauges European elections, with this year's turnout being the lowest ever, at 43%. Were the European elections made more engaging to the people - if people knew more about what the European Parliament did, what they were voting for and why it mattered, then the turnout would probably be much higher.

Finally, I should like to put up a link to a petition that shall be handed to Nick Griffin the day he takes his seat in the European Parliament. Let the fascists know what you think, and tell them that their election is not in your name.

Click here to sign the petition.

Friday, 5 June 2009

Happy Birthday Joshua

Joshua Rushton-Crawshaw celebrates his 16th birthday, happy birthday Joshua, shame the weather has had a bearing on your camping trip!


For those of you who regularly log on to the Painter's Chronicle website, you will have noticed that the amount of posts, news, updates etc have lacked a little over the last couple of weeks. We sincerely apologise to all subscripients and supporters out there for this, we miss uploading as much as I am sure you'll miss reading!

There is a reason however, the majority of the Painter's Chronicle team are currently revising and preparing for their GCSE examinations! We're sorry that we have to burden you too with our misfortune, but they will soon be over and we will be working on the thing that really does matter in life, The Painter's Chronicle summer edition!

As the famous quote says: "Patience is a virtue"

Thursday, 4 June 2009

Happy Birthday Beth!

Loyal Painter's Chronicle supporter Beth(an) Paramor today celebrates her birthday. We here at the PC wish her the best and hope she has fun for the remainder of her trip around Europe!