Zeppelins

Red lorry, yellow lorry
how fast can you say?
Around the world in 80 days,
not at all.

Did you know that the Graf Zeppelin used less fuel on its circumnavigation of the globe than a boeing 747 uses to taxi the runway?

Robert Holme

Independent Minded Members of the Community

Independent minded members of the community,
James is one of these,
The way he walks, the way he talks,
like footnotes on the breeze.

Independent minded members of the community,
meet every Saturday afternoon for tea and cake,
in the parish church car-park
like footnotes on the breeze.

The reverend is an independent minded member of our community,
he always speaks his independent mind.
Although some may call him a scheming Machiavellian prince.
I don't seem to mind.

Robert Holme

Ask The Team - Get Involved!

Film Review With Sam Larner

Yet another new feature on the Painter's Chronicle Website!

Budding young journo Sam Larner reviews some of the recent successful film releases. This week starting with 'The Hangover'.

The Hangover

It seems that in the last few years we have been made to suffer seriously sub standard comedy movies. “Superbad”, “Rolemodels” and “Knocked Up” are all examples of these. Now I know that for many young people “The Hangover” is considered a great example of how a comedy should be made, unfortunately I’m not one of them.

It’s directed by Todd Philips whose previous films include Frat House and Starsky & Hutch, all fall into the category of stupid, “not amusing enough movies”. To get an idea of what Todd is “into” here is a list of the cameo appearances he has been involved in: “Foot lover on bus” and “Gangbang guy”, it’s not sounding great is it?

So onto the film. It starts with a group of guys who are visiting Las Vegas for their friends stag night. Lifted from the plot of “Bachelor Party” and not unlike “Dude Where’s my Car?” I am well aware that I will be in the significant minority in believing that “The Hangover” is anything other than brilliant, original comedy.

The problems are numerous, firstly most of the attempted humour revolves around a clearly mentally ill man. Now, I have nothing against this kind of humour, in my opinion if a joke makes me laugh it is fine, however this isn’t enough to hang a $36million film on. Secondly, it just isn’t funny, it swings madly between surrealistic humour, for example the scenes with the tiger and Mike Tyson and then it swings back to simple gross out humour for example the breastfeeding scene. You sense that at some points the film could veer off in a direction that would create interest but at each of these junctions Philips just pulls it back into Hollywood’s idea of a funny film. Lastly, the films treatment of women is truly deplorable and although Mike Tyson only has a small role in the film it seems like his misogynistic views were employed by the film makers.

I know it’s not particularly popular to “dis” “The Hangover” however I can’t lie to you, it’s a bad film. It’s not funny enough and I hope that when you’ve all woken up from the joint lobotomy you’ll realise that Las Vegas isn’t a great place, it’s the end of the world and any film that’s set there which follows the plot of other unfunny films such as “Road Trip” or “What Happens in Vegas” is seriously on the wrong road.

Before I go I’ll leave you with a piece of film trivia. The star of “Freaky Friday” and “Mean Girls”, Lindsay Lohan turned down this film on the basis that she didn’t feel the script had any substance. This is a film that Lohan thought was substandard and she would’ve got paid for it.

Thanks Sam, and we look forward to more reviews from you!

Pedantry Time!

If there are two things I love in this world it's pedantry and showing up Joe, so I'm combining the two by pointing out a mistake in the Chronicle! In the 'Random Facts to make your day!' section it was stated that no word in the English language rhymes with purple, orange, silver or month. COMMON MISCONCEPTION. 'Month' rhymes with 'Granth' as in the Guru Granth Sahib - the holy text of Sikhism. That's all for now, and if anyone else spots any slip-ups I would love to aid you in publicising them!

Callum MacRae

Website Manager - Painter's Chronicle E-Magazine

Web: www.painterschronicle.co.uk

Email: callummacrae@painterschronicle.co.uk

Painter's Journey Post

Hello and welcome to another 'Painter's Journey Post', my fortnightly post on the train back from London to Leeds on a Monday morning talking simply about whatever crosses my mind at that particular time!

Today's subject is...Reality Television

Well, ‘The Apprentice’ returns to our screens this week, but not ‘The Apprentice’ we all know and love, this version is to be known as ‘The Junior Apprentice’, slightly different. You may remember towards the end of the last series this version being advertised, asking for ‘budding entrepreneurs between the age of 16 and 17’ to come forward and appear on one of the BBC’s most popular shows.

After the regular Thursday morning chats with my friends about the Wednesday night show and debating whether Sir Alan was right to sack who he did, quite a few people suggested that I should apply for the junior version. I’d never really considered it to be honest, but after some persuasion and a few texts from a few people further afield suggesting that I applied also, I decided that ‘I may as well, what is there to lose?”

I’d never gone for anything like this before so everything was new to me and I didn’t really know what to expect when applying. It turned out that I needed to do a series of application forms, a presentation and a one-to-one interview. I wasn’t going to worry and get worked up about the process of selection (as many clearly did), I simply went with a laid back approach, again asking myself, ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ I did, however, put in a lot of effort and made sure I was performing to my full potential giving myself every opportunity to progress. I don’t believe in doing things half heartedly.

Anyway, that’s enough about me; the point of this piece is about the processes involved in producing programmes like this, and my opinions on them. I’m using ‘The Apprentice’ as an example in this case as I have first-hand knowledge of the processes, but I am positive other programmes on our screens are also run in a similar way.

‘The Apprentice’ is a programme that continually brands itself on finding entrepreneurs with potential, budding business bosses and people with a genuine eye for success. I don’t think anyone can deny that. My argument though, is, do they really select the best people to fit these categories? I don’t think so. For a start, the people carrying out the selection process are not Sir Alan Sugar, Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford. They’re not people who work below them. Infact, do they have any business/entrepreneurial knowledge at all? No! The people who make the decisions and decide whether you’re worthy of a place to take part in the actual TV series and be in with a genuine chance of winning ‘The Apprentice’ work for Free Mantle Media, the broadcaster. These people are trained in media and television, not business. How does that one work then?

Now, I’m not saying I should have gotten any further than I did, in honesty I was very surprised and chuffed with how far I did get (the last 120), but it was obvious to see on the day that some young people with real business knowledge and potential, some of which already had a lot of success were turned away. Not at the expense of better candidates, but at the expense of better characters; people who would make more exciting television and tick the box for; male and female balance, ethical balance and background balance. Is this fair? Not really, seems as though the ongoing issues of political correctness have won once again.

I’d like to sum up by saying; I, like many of you really enjoy watching shows such as ‘The Apprentice’ and I will continue to do so, but just be aware when tuning in on Wednesday night that the ten candidates you shall see out of the 25,000 who applied are not necessarily the best young business talent, they’re probably more likely to be naturally gifted characters who have the ability to entertain, along with a little bit of business knowledge on their side too. A little fake I think, but good television none the less.

The Election

Well, although the exact details of the nature of our parliament are somewhat vague, one thing is clear - the Conservative party have a majority in our parliament. Whilst lamenting this today, I was told by many friends and acquaintances "Don't worry, It's not that bad. The Tories have changed since Thatcher, they're much more progressive now." But are they? The Conservatives have always been notorious for having disobedient back-benchers, and whilst David Cameron has been persuading you that his party has 'changed' his back-benchers tell a very different story.

To pick one example, I'm going to talk about the recent scandals over homophobia in the Conservative party. I'm sure you'll have heard the disgusting story of Phillipa Stroud (If you haven't - please do: Link). Also whilst searching on the internet I found some truly astounding statistics on Tory opinions of Gay Rights. In the recent parliamentary vote to equalise the age of consent 95% of Labour MPs voted to pass it, 91% of Lib Dem MPs voted to pass it and just 14% of all Tory MPs voted to pass the act. Again, when voting on whether or not gay couples should be allowed to adopt, 94% of Labour MPs voted to pass the act, 100% of Lib Dem MPs and a truly frightening 6% of Conservative MPs voted to pass the act (Link). It is these MPs, not hundreds of David Camerons, that will be voting on whether or not our laws are passed, and it is these MPs who are supposed to represent the British people.

However, although it borders a very dark, sinister cloud, there is a silver lining. The Conservatives are coming in to power at a time of recession. Not only that, but they are coming in to power with, what I gather from my economy-literate friends, a very poor plan of recovery. So perhaps what we shall find is a vast dispiritedness with the Conservatives, such as the one which we saw in 1997, and one which they truly deserve. I just wish the British public didn't have to learn its lessons twice...

And for those of you who are still finding it difficult to come to terms with the new Tory government, seek refuge in the wonderful words of Talking Heads - 'Don't Worry About The Government' (thanks to new web-contributor Freddy Vinehill-Cliffe for this recommendation!) - Link

Callum MacRae

Website Manager - Painter's Chronicle E-Magazine

Web: www.painterschronicle.co.uk

Email: callummacrae@painterschronicle.co.uk

The Painter's Chronicle Spring Issue

The Bear Is Back!

Coming to your inbox on 03/05/2010